Lessons learned after losing both of my parents by age 45.
My Dad died when I was 28 after he fell off a ladder a week after he finished building his dream home.
He hit his head on the concrete floor, spent 4 months in hospitals and rehab centers, then died with hospice in the living room after my family decided to pull all the tubes connecting him to life.
He never came back to himself with me after he fell. One day he was there, the next he was there but not there, then he was gone.
We had a few rocky years when I was a teenager, but I survived and persisted in learning how to love unconditionally - both myself and others. And after looking him in the eyes and being deeply honest, we became friends.
I didn't know the man in the photo above - he's my Dad, but this was in Alaska before I was born. When I was born, he was 45 with grey hair, living in a log cabin on ten wooded acres in Cheney, Washington.
He was 76 when he died, and I will forever be grateful we found peace. It wasn't easy, but it was worth it.
My Mum died at age 75, when I was 45, after 14 days of doing a process called Voluntary Stopping Eating and Drinking, or VSED.
Even though she was incredibly physically fit, she chose to end her life before Alzheimer's completely took over her brain as it did with her Mom.
Mum and I also found peace, and in her I also found a best friend.
Soon after she died, I wrote Go Do All the Things, which you can read and/or download below. I've shared it before, but it's been coming back to me and I feel the urge to share it again...
I wrote it in part because I didn't go do all the things and ask her all the questions - though we did do a LOT of the things because we were willing to talk about and do the 'hard' things long before she died - including completely organizing house, her estate plan, and her memorabilia.
I believe it's important to do our best to do all the things tugging at our heart strings, even when we're afraid...
Even when the conversation seems 'hard...'
Even when the cluttered room or closet or drawer seems like it will never be empty...
Even when the food or drink or drug we've been wanting to quit seems impossible to live without...
We can walk through the fear, walk through the 'hard,' and find freedom on the other side.
And so often they aren't nearly as hard as we thought they would be! So often it's just making a decision to do it, doing it, then continuing to make that decision to do it until it's done.
I made a piece of art I keep in my office to remind me about this...
Here are the basics of what I see "walking through fear" to be when we boil it down:
6 steps to walk through fear:
Look at it straight on - allow time and discomfort
Figure out what needs to be done
Make a decision to do that
Do it
Continue to make the decision to do it until it's done
Celebrate when we've done it!
If it's panic or trauma inducing, use #2 to find the support you need.
So often we build things up in our minds and make them much bigger than they actually are...
So often the big, hard, scary things take a shorter time than we imagine.
The other day a client said, "It only took me a few minutes to unload the dishwasher - I can't believe I put it off for so long! I thought it was going to take me forever!"
Ohh the RELIEF when we can look back and be DONE! What an incredible feeling that is, right?
Is there anything you've been putting off because it feels big and scary?
Can you take a step toward it - or even move through it - so you can just be done with it?
Sending love and light from Springland, here in my TidyWild world!
If you'd like a copy, you can download it here:
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Please remember that I'm here for you!
Reach out if you have questions and/or you feel stuck...
There's no need to struggle with clutter anymore - you're not alone and I can help you feel better right away.
Text me at 360-265-2477
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