Is there a voice in your mind keeping you from being happy?
Around the time I began working with life coaches and practicing meditation, a cruel voice jumped out from the noise in my mind.
When I paid attention, I realized it was a nearly constant nattering, like a mosquito in my ear.
Even when I thought I was doing my best, she'd say, "It's not good enough!"
Even when I was giving it my all, she'd tell me "You can give more!"
She'd tell me I don't do enough, have enough or love enough.
She'd tell me I don't look good in this or that (or anything, actually).
She'd tell me I don't know how to do hard things because I'm not smart enough.
She'd see great things in my life and tell me I didn't deserve them because I'm not good enough.
She's really a drag, to say the least.
I don't remember the exact moment I realized how crappy and consistent this voice was, but it was like discovering a loved one was cheating on me.
How could my mind do this to me?
How long had she been at it?
How much had I missed out on because of her?
Does The B*tch rule our society?
As an organizer and mindset coach, I have the wonderful opportunity to learn about the inner workings of peoples' homes and minds. Since learning about my own cruel inner voice, everyone I've talked to about it has confessed to having a version of this as well.
I now lovingly call mine The Bitch - maybe not the most politically correct, but it's the perfect name. One of my clients calls hers The Bully. Positive Intelligence author Shirzad Chamine calls his The Judge.
Whatever we choose to name it, the harsh critic in our minds steals from us daily and keeps us from reaching our potential.
I began to wonder - does EVERYONE have this voice? If so, how is it affecting our society collectively?
According to Mr. Chamine of Positive Intelligence, entire businesses are taken down by this voice, teams are broken, lives are stunted, minds are stinted.
Unfriending the B*tch
Once I realized she was there, it was astonishing to learn how often she bossed me around. At first I just noticed and watched, because, I mean, really, what do you do when you discover a b*tch in your brain?!
But one day I got sick of her. I was doing all this work with coaches and I'd discovered I'm actually a pretty awesome person. I learned I'm kind of fun, pretty smart, and have a pretty good life...
When she spoke up again, telling me none of this was true and I didn't deserve any of it, I turned around, faced her, and stuck out my hand.
I said, "You're not invited to this party anymore!"
Ohhhh it felt SO GOOD! It was like I could hear brakes screeching or a record skipping. She was incredulous and tried to pipe up again, but I said, 'NOPE! NO THANK YOU!'
From then on, whenever I noticed her piping up, putting me down, making me anxious, inflaming my depression, fanning my fatigue, I practiced doing this.
It didn't happen every time, and for a long time I'd come in halfway through her rants about how I didn't do this and I should've done that and realize she'd been running the show, but each time I felt a little stronger, a little more powerful.
Then one day, another voice piped in and said something surprising...
ABUNDANCE, ABUNDANCE, ABUNDANCE
At this point, I was my own boss, married to a magical man, living in a great house, eating out of a beautiful garden, surrounded by amazing friends...and still I had The Bitch in my brain putting me down every day, telling me I didn't deserve it and I wasn't doing enough.
Something in me had had enough, because once the word abundance came into the picture, she could barely get a word in edgewise.
At 2am she'd wake me up in my usual panic...
"You know, if you would've had yourself together you could've married that man at age 26 and had a nice little happy family by now..."
'ABUNDANCE ABUNDANCE ABUNDANCE!'
"Ummm...what? I was saying how crappy your decision making skills are...this is worth getting worked up about right now."
'TALK TO THE HAND! ABUNDANCE ABUNDANCE ABUNDANCE!'
"Are you losing your mind? You really must be more stupid than I thought."
'NOPE! You're no longer invited to this party! ABUNDANCE ABUNDANCE ABUNDANCE!'
Some version of this went on over and over for quite some time.
Rather than losing my mind, I was gaining it back.
And guess what?
My life is absolutely overflowing with abundance!
I mean, if you saw my garden, you might just fall down laughing with how much abundance I have, then ask me for a carrot. We literally have thousands of plants and eat from the garden every single day of the year.
If I told you stories about all the good in my life, you'd think it was insane that I ever felt I didn't have enough.
But I was RULED by The B*itch.
Freedom?
You might ask: am I free now?
Do I get to run free and joyous through the hills of life and enjoy all the abundance now?
Am I free of the awful lady in my brain telling me "You can't do that, you don't deserve that, oh that looks SO bad on you, you are SUCH a bore, it's too bad you aren't smart..."
No, but rough days are very few and far between now - it's usually moments rather than days (or weeks, months or years) that she's steering the ship of my life. It's so refreshing when I remember as soon as her voice pipes up to hug her :)
I still have days I don't realize she's amping up my anxiety and/or depression, depleting me of energy and creativity, robbing me of the beauty within and around me.
And I've realized I can change my word from abundance - if I ask for any more abundance I might drown in goodness!
The B*tch = The Child Inside
My word became PEACE. And I only need to say it once to quiet The Bitch.
And rather than put up my hand, I reach out and hug that sad slave driver who felt she had to be so crappy, so pushy and mean, in order to get me to do anything.
When I give The Bitch a hug and ask her what she needs, she turns into a scared little girl who wants to keep me safe and survive the landmines of being human.
I can now hug her, thank her, love her, and invite her to join the party again, but as her lovable, huggable, curious little girl self.
I have so much more to say about this, but for now, I'm curious...
Do you have a mean voice in your mind?
Do you have a b*tch - judge - mean voice - bully in your brain? What does she/he/they say?
Do they rule the roost or do you have a way of keeping them from dragging you down?
Let's acknowledge the mean mind voices and support each other in turning them back into lovable little kids...imagine what the world would be like if we all did this?!
Please share your experiences with me, with loved ones and the world so we can all find more peace...
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Do you want help managing your inner critic?
I help people with this every day AND help them declutter, organize and reach their goals while we're at it.
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